JO KADLECEK read’s Eileen F Sommi’s ‘What I Got Instead: A Story of Pain, Doubt and Faith’…
Eileen F Sommi
What I Got Instead: A Story of Pain, Doubt, and Faith
High Bridge Books, US, 2023
ISBN-13: 978-1954943902
“[H]ers is a memoir, not of cheesy Christian cliches about physical healing, but one of holy rousing. It is a personal narrative that invites readers into Sommi’s journey of uneasy – and sometimes hilarious – scenarios as much as it challenges us with inconvenient questions that don’t sit easily with faith. “
In his 1940 book, The Problem of Pain, CS Lewis wrote that, “Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”
Most of us, though, would rather stick our fingers in our ears and ignore those Almighty shouts. We’ll medicate, hibernate, or exfoliate our way out, anything but feel pain, rather than considering it might actually have something to offer. For those of us in the Western world especially, we’d prefer to be comfortably numb, spending billions of dollars each year on drugs, therapy, food and amusement to avoid any ache or discomfort.
Because who among us wants to see – or be – suffering?
And there’s a point in this. Deep down, we know it’s not supposed to be like this. Children aren’t supposed to get diseases and grandparents shouldn’t have to endure chronic anguish in their later years. Aren’t they entitled to a break? For most, specifically those in evangelical Christian communities, pain is simply something God should fix. If He doesn’t, it must be our fault, or our sin, that keeps us down.
So when I read, What I Got Instead: A Story of Pain, Doubt and Faith by new author Eileen F Sommi, I was quickly aware that hers is a memoir, not of cheesy Christian cliches about physical healing, but one of holy rousing. It is a personal narrative that invites readers into Sommi’s journey of uneasy – and sometimes hilarious – scenarios as much as it challenges us with inconvenient questions that don’t sit easily with faith. In short conversational chapters, she does indeed attend to her pain in the context of her faith.
Sommi has suffered migraines her entire life. From the time she was a little girl to becoming a mother raising four children, engaging in her community and becoming a grandparent, the sledgehammers in her skull have never ceased. More than once, her desperation for relief rendered her helpless, wondering how God would allow such intense migraines day-after-day. How was she supposed to function, let alone live well and faithfully, when nothing, not prayer, medications, diet, nor a host of other quirky options, ever offered any reprieve?
Full disclosure: Sommi is a personal friend; in some ways, she typifies the suburban life of American privilege. She’s also part of the Christian subculture; she’s active in her church, a Christian camp and neighbourhood Bible studies. And yet she’s formed a deep and lived theology that transcends the sometimes shallow stereotypes associated with today’s Christianised life.
As a result, What I Got Instead – which took Sommi 20 years to write – navigates the challenges that come with fierce and often debilitating pain, universal qualities for all humans. Each chapter reflects how her personal faith took a hit with each headache, how the pain and ensuing nausea meant trying – because she could afford them – yet another doctor or strategy, all while God’s megaphone got louder and louder.
Eventually, Sommi began to see her migraines as an opportunity to draw closer to the God of her childhood. With each pounding head, she sang and studied and talked with Him more, realising that their presence pushed her into God’s presence. Somehow, in ways that confront our cosy beliefs, she came to see a pounding head as a spiritual gift. Somehow, she dove deeper into the mystery of faith and experienced the reality of a crucified Christ very much alive.
We rely on our readers to fund Sight's work - become a financial supporter today!
For more information, head to our Subscriber's page.
The result is an accessible memoir that relays the anecdotes and insights of her journey toward health and toward God, complete with hard questions and crazy tactics some attempts for relief brought. Even now, though, as she launches her book, she still has not learned what causes the migraines.
And so, those looking for a neat and tidy miracle story will be disappointed. Sommi still endures migraines – sometimes for weeks at a time – yet now they serve as a path to intimacy with God. As she put it, “As my time with God grew [because of the headaches], so did my desire for more. I knew there was infinitely more of him to enjoy and to know…my desire was not for what he could give me or relieve me of, but rather my desire was just for him.”
That she sees Jesus more clearly in the midst of excruciating pounding in her head is perhaps the real miracle. Perhaps it’s the reason God shouts to each of us through whatever pain we bear. If only we’ll listen.
