AMANDA JACKSON writes about how a chance meeting highlighted the need for advocates to promote Biblical equality…
London
I met a woman recently, just randomly, while I was out shopping. Her name is Ruby.
As we got chatting, she asked me what work I did and it came up that I encourage women who are active in their communities tackling poverty and inequality, and issues like domestic violence.
Without prompting, she told me she had suffered a violent marriage. Then she poured out her story.
A UNITED VOICE?: Amanda Jackson says Ruby’s story underlined the need for girls and women to “understand Biblical equality” – so they can be advocates for young women like Ruby. PICTURE: Mauro Mora/Unsplash
Ruby grew up in India in a Muslim home with loving parents. She wanted to study psychology but her parents found a good match for her with a man in the UK. They wanted her to be happy and, as her dad knew the young man’s dad, it seemed this would be a good marriage.
She came to the UK at 18 and married. Within two weeks her husband was hitting her and he controlled all her movements and contacts beyond the home. She did not know about having babies and so got pregnant straight away. Her husband made no secret of having affairs.
She stayed in the relationship because of her little boy. She had no privacy and could not talk to anyone about her life. Her mother-in-law told her it was normal for a man to hit his wife and when she managed to tell her parents, they initially did not want the shame of a failed marriage.
Ruby felt guilty and afraid – but also wanted to get out.
After six years of this relationship, her husband said she could leave if she left their son behind. She agreed, but with the secret help of her husband’s cousin, she managed to escape to a refuge. She spent four months in hiding.
Over the next 10 years, Ruby built a new life, gaining an education, working and supporting her son.
Ruby is now 35. With her parents’ help, she fought in the courts for three years to have custody of her son who is now 16. Petite and younger-looking than her years, she did not look to me like an obvious candidate to be a campaigner but she stuck it through despite threats and costs and delays.
She is incredibly proud that her son wants to become a lawyer, so that he can help other women and children in similar circumstances.
This is one reason why we want our girls and women to understand Biblical equality – so we can be advocates for young women like Ruby.
The story also makes me aware that women need to see the risks of using their limited power in many contexts to keep younger women under control – a clichéd picture that led to all those mother-in-law jokes.
And I also want Christians to be transforming lives within the church as well as the wider community – we have to take responsibility for bad practices in families and teach our boys and girls about respect, love and all the other qualities needed to make good relationships. We all need to be advocates.
If you want practical information on how individuals and churches can help women like Ruby, try the Restored packs www.restoredrelationships.org/get-involved/.
