NILS VON KALM writes about how being challenged by someone can result in a positive change in your walk with Christ…
Melbourne, Australia
“Integrity is choosing courage over comfort. It’s choosing what is right over what is fun, fast or easy. It’s choosing to practice your values rather than simply professing them.” – Brene Brown
I remember hearing many years ago that everywhere Jesus went, He caused a crisis. That has always stuck with me. Jesus some truth in love into people’s lives snd it was up to them whether or not they followed Him.
One common example of Jesus causing a crisis is in the life of the man known as the rich young ruler. He has a clear hunger for something that is missing in his life. So he runs up to Jesus, in seeming desperation, and asks Him what he must do to enter the life of the kingdom. When Jesus commends him for keeping the commandments like a good Jewish person would, He then zeroes in on the man’s real issue. “Sell all you have and give it to the poor. Then come and follow me”. We know the rest of the story.
Facing a challenge in your life? It’s actually through discomfort that we grow and change, says Nils von Kalm. PICTURE: Samantha Sophia/Unsplash
Have you ever been challenged by someone who knows you really well to be more than you are? Have you had that anxious, churning in your stomach when someone challenges you and you know they’re right? I had that recently when someone who is very dear to me challenged me lovingly to take more calculated risks in my life.
Rich Stearns tells his own story about this in his book, The Hole In Our Gospel. Rich had an increasingly strong sense that God was calling him to give up his comfortable corporate job and become the national director of World Vision in the US. Shortly before he decided to take the World Vision job, he says that he was literally curled up on the floor in a foetal position. He was stubbornly resistant to the call to change. But then he could no longer deny it. He took the risk and accepted the World Vision job.
“What does it take for us to experience real change, and to maintain the change we may have initially been shocked into? Part of it is coming to the slow realisation that our current way of doing life is no longer working for us.”
I often suffer from impostor syndrome. People tell me I’m a good Christian and have integrity. And, while I’m certainly not living a double life, I don’t think I’m as good a Christian as a lot of people think. I struggle with guilt about always needing to do more. Yes, I have worked in aid and development for more than 20 years, but I do it sitting at a desk in an affluent city, getting paid enough to mostly do what I want with my money. I don’t really have to sacrifice. Meanwhile, I have friends who are on the frontlines making genuine sacrifices every day of their lives.
Many years ago, Australian evangelist John Smith said that God is more interested in your character than your comfort. That has always stuck with me. It’s actually through discomfort that we grow and change.
What does it take for us to experience real change, and to maintain the change we may have initially been shocked into? Part of it is coming to the slow realisation that our current way of doing life is no longer working for us.
Richard Rohr says that, unless we are faced with the undeniable fact that our life is not working the way we are living it, we will never change. Why would we? We’re comfortable. It generally will only take some sort of crisis for us to change.
I faced this in my final year working at an organisation I loved. I had been there for 14 years and they had mostly been the best working years of my life. Then I was made redundant. It all turned out well, as I received a decent payout and a new job in a similar role a couple of weeks later. But the issue was that I would never have left the comfort of my previous job if I had not been made redundant. It took the crisis of a job loss for change to be initiated in my life.
People in 12 Step recovery talk about being “sick and tired of being sick and tired”. What they mean is that they have reached a point when their constant addictive behaviour is making them so miserable that they are just tired of feeling that way. This motivates them to finally seek something better. It is the regular reminding of the havoc that their addictive behaviour has caused that keeps the motivation going. That, and the testimony of other recovering addicts.
Whether we are in 12 Step recovery or not, we are all addicted to particular patterns of living or ways of thinking. So, the way to real change is the same. And it will generally only come through some sort of crisis. This seems to just be the reality for us as humans.
Part of the human condition seems to be the resistance to taking risks. We have an innate belief that comfort and keeping the status quo will give us the life we crave. Who wants to choose discomfort?
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When we are young, we are generally more open to risk-taking. I remember a pastor saying many years ago though that the first thing many of us will say when we get to the other side will be, “if only I’d taken more risks”.
Why don’t we take more risks? Why do we stay in our comfort zones, even when they make us miserable? Well, mainly because they’re comfortable. They make us sedate. That’s why real love often requires challenging someone out of their comfort zones, to love them enough to not be nice, but to be kind and challenge them to change. This is the tough love that Jesus often showed. Christians need to remember that Jesus was not your average nice guy. Niceness just wasn’t part of His makeup. But kindness was – and that’s the big difference. Jesus was the personification of kindness. He wanted the best for everyone and He was willing to go to any lengths to do it.
Coming out of our comfort zones involves utilising our potential. One of the most dangerous words in the English language, ‘potential’ speaks so powerfully of what could be but often isn’t.
I think our lives in the affluent West are too comfortable. We may experience an internal crisis every now and then and resolve to change our ways, but then when the inner churning starts to die down and we feel a bit better, we resort back to our previous mediocrity.
Has Jesus caused a crisis in your life? If He has, you are indeed blessed! I pray you will have the courage to move forward into more abundant life. If Jesus hasn’t caused a crisis in your life, it may well be that you are too comfortable. I pray for you also, that you will experience the discomfort that leads to the life of the kingdom which we are called to.
