NILS VON KALM reflects on recent events and Jesus’ call to take the log out of our own eye before trying to take the speck out of someone else’s…
The recent panic over the buying of toilet paper to protect against the coronavirus is symptomatic of the potential for human irrationality in the face of uncertainty.
How can such a mob-mentality hit when there is little evidence that toilet paper would protect us more than other essential items?
The last year has seen the consequences of our refusal to deal with the general immaturity of much of Australian culture. In the federal election in May last year, despite the opinion polls reflecting concern about the climate, when the rubber hit the road we voted for our tax cuts. And now, when a virus with genuine threats really limited to the most vulnerable in our society, comes near us, we panic and think only of ourselves.
While we like to divide people into ‘good’ or ‘bad’, Jesus reminds us that we all have what many call a ‘shadow self’. PICTURE: Marco Bianchetti/Unsplash
“These incidents have reminded me again of the statement by the Russian author, Alexander Solzhenitsyn, that the line dividing good and evil does not run through nation states; it runs through every human heart. When Jesus reminded us to take the log out of our own eye before trying to take the speck out of another’s, He did so because He knew what we are all capable of. “
Yet these same people who have panic-bought toilet paper or voted purely out of self-interest are, on the whole, also deeply caring of their families and would have no hesitation in helping others who were experiencing some sort of difficulty.
How is this possible? How can the same people be both so self-absorbed and so self-sacrificing?
The most extreme examples of this in recent weeks have been the tragedy of yet another case of domestic violence: the murder of Brisbane mother Hannah Clarke and her three children by her estranged husband Rowan Baxter, who then took his own life. And then there have been the revelations that Jean Vanier, founder of the L’Arche communities for intellectually disabled people, had sexually abused six women and covered up for a priest who had done the same.
Many women I know have been reeling from news of these horrors, as have many men. There has been anger, confusion, and fierce debate over the best way to talk about and deal with such atrocities. One policeman was even stood aside for suggesting that Rowan Baxter had been “pushed too far” before committing his heinous crimes.
When such acts occur, they cut to the very core of who we are and how we want to live as a society. Emotions run high as we all want to have our opinions heard.
Human nature is such that when we hear news of such terrible actions, our natural anger at injustice arises. The rage we feel at someone who would actually kill their family wells up out of that fierce protective love we have for our own children. We want the person to pay. Death isn’t good enough for such a low-life.
As a result, we then talk of “good men” and “bad men”, or, on the less extreme end, we talk of those “selfish” people who would stock up on toilet paper at the expense of those who can’t afford to.
These incidents have reminded me again of the statement by the Russian author, Alexander Solzhenitsyn, that the line dividing good and evil does not run through nation states; it runs through every human heart.
When Jesus reminded us to take the log out of our own eye before trying to take the speck out of another’s, He did so because He knew what we are all capable of.
Humans are a bundle of contradictions. Being made in the very image of the Creator, we are capable of the most immense good, yet at the same time, our tendency to make ourselves our own god gives us likewise the capacity for great evil.
How is it that someone like Jean Vanier, who did so much good in caring for people with disabilities, could also sexually abuse women? How could a man who has brought three beautiful children into the world turn on them and take their lives and that of his ex-wife?
“Humans are a bundle of contradictions. Being made in the very image of the Creator, we are capable of the most immense good, yet at the same time, our tendency to make ourselves our own god gives us likewise the capacity for great evil.”
In responding, I have to examine my own life and admit that I also have done great good and yet have also deeply hurt people I love. Thankfully I haven’t done anything of such magnitude as we have seen reported in recent weeks, but I cannot kid myself that my heart is capable of it. Rowan Baxter is me; Jean Vanier is me.
Many spiritual directors talk of the shadow self we all have. It is that part of us that wants to put our ego first, that wants to assert our own demands at the expense of anybody else’s. It is that dark part of us that we are so ashamed of that we will do anything to keep it hidden from the world. We all have it.
That’s why talking about about “good men” and “bad men“ actually exacerbates the problem. It pits us against each other, keeping distance between us and the people who perpetrate heinous acts against others. It gives us the higher moral ground.
If I had lived in 1930s Germany, would I have resisted Hitler like Bonhoeffer and the Confessing Church did? Or would I have gone along with the wave of nationalist euphoria, like the German Christian movement did, and given public support to the Fuehrer? Honestly, I don’t know. I would like to say that I would have resisted because they are the values I hold close. But when push comes to shove, I cannot guarantee that I would have.
So, while many of us are rightly shattered, shocked and flabbergasted at what we have seen in recent weeks, we need not be surprised.
This is why doing our ‘shadow work’ is so crucial. It’s crucial for ourselves, and by extension, for our society. Shadow work involves being aware and accepting that we all have a dark side, that it is part of us, and not shaming it. We acknowledge that it is there, we accept and embrace it as part of us, but we don’t let it out to play.
Ignoring our shadow self by telling ourselves and others that we are not like those ‘bad’ people, will keep it hidden, and you can bet your life that it will come out in some way or another.
The black-and-white thinking that divides people into ‘good’ and ‘bad’ must stop. If our society has any hope of not tearing itself apart, we simply must do our inner work. We must be allowed to acknowledge our feelings, and to do so in a space that is safe and where we are heard.
“Ignoring our shadow self by telling ourselves and others that we are not like those ‘bad’ people, will keep it hidden, and you can bet your life that it will come out in some way or another.”
For men in our society, the best group of people I am aware of facilitating this work is the Centre For Men Australia. They are an organisation based in Brisbane which has helped thousands of men heal from toxic shame, addiction and grief in a space that is safe and respectful. It is just what men in our culture need. We are crying out for men who know who they are, have done their shadow work and are committed to becoming authentic men who are able to love and respect others and themselves.
Until men in our culture (and indeed all of us) face and embrace our shadows, domestic violence will continue. Until we stop the shaming and the categorisation of people into ‘good’ and ‘bad’, the abuse will continue.
As a man in our society, I desperately need to listen to the stories of women and children who have suffered and continue to suffer abuse at the hands of hurt and troubled men. As Richard Rohr says, hurt people hurt people. But the hope – which Rohr also explains – is that transformed people transform people. May us men be committed to the latter as though life depended on it. Because it does.
