4th February, 2009

NILS VON KALM

We are a culture obsessed with experiences. We fear missing out. We cannot bear to see our neighbours and friends having a seemingly enjoyable life where everything seems to go as planned, while we struggle along year after long, drawn out year.

When we believe that this is our lot in life, it is a human tendency that we reach out for something, anything, to ease the pain. The rise of the internet has been the biggest revolution in our western lifestyle since television. The fact that you are reading this article means that, while you are now online, there is a smorgasbord of other information competing for your attention. It is all at your fingertips, and most of it is free. The question that then arises is 'can you resist?', and if not, why would you even want to?

SEEKING TO STOP AN INTERNET ADDICTION: Tips to help combat this growing problem include making yourself accountable to someone you trust. PICTURE: Miguel Ugalde (www.sxc.hu) "The human heart is made for worship, but when that which we worship is anything other than God, when anything else is more important than God in our lives, that is an idol. And idols destroy."

As with much in our lives, the internet is morally neutral. In itself it is neither good nor bad. There is much on the web that is beneficial for humankind. Indeed the internet has opened the channels of communication for millions who campaign for human rights across the world. On the other hand, an extraordinarily high proportion of internet traffic is pornography and is therefore exploitative of women, children and equally, of those who use it. Patrick Carnes, in his book, Out of the Shadows, says that since the rise of the internet, the rate of pornography addiction has risen exponentially, destroying the lives and marriages of thousands in the process.

Like porn addiction, internet addiction is a modern-day reality. If you think you don't have a problem with addiction (to anything, not just the internet), try stopping. If you can't stop, you have a problem. Here are a few questions to test yourself with to see if you have a problem with internet addiction:

• Can you stop when you are asked, or when another task needs to be performed?
• Can you just get online, do what you need to do, and get off again without surfing?
• Do you skip meals when you are online?
• Do you find yourself becoming irritable when someone comes into the room to talk to you in person while you are online?
• Do you feel 'wired' or restless a lot of the time?
• Are you finding that the time you spend online is slowly increasing or becoming out of control?
• Have you crossed boundaries in terms of the types of sites you have visited while online?
• Do you lie or fudge the truth about the amount of time you spend or types of sites you visit online?
• Are you less emotionally present than you used to be?
• Do you count the people you meet in chat rooms or on social networking sites among your best friends, especially those you have never met apart from online?
• Do you find yourself obsessing about sites you have visited and would like to visit again?
• Would you like to spend less time online but feel powerless to do so once you turn the computer on?
• Are important tasks in your life being neglected due to the amount of time you spend online?
• Do you find that you never get around to doing the things you really want to do because you're online so much?
• Do you find yourself surfing the web just to see what is there?

If you can answer 'yes' to most of the above questions, then you may have a problem with internet addiction. And if you're first response is to deny that this could possibly be you, then that may very well be the first indicator that you indeed have a problem.

You may be thinking that this is not such a serious problem, that everyone is online these days and that if you're not then you will not be able to contribute meaningfully to society. Again, I would say that being online itself is not a problem. It is when it takes precedence over other areas of your life such as your relationships that it becomes a problem. If your time online is more important to you than your relationships, then that is definitely something you need to look at. Some readers might now be thinking that of course it is not more important than my relationships. But don't ask yourself that, ask a significant other in your life and accept their response.

How do we stop the addictive process? What measures can we put in place to ensure we live the victorious life that Christ offers? The human heart is made for worship, but when that which we worship is anything other than God, when anything else is more important than God in our lives, that is an idol. And idols destroy. It may not be straight away, but in the end our destruction, in one way or another, is guaranteed. Internet addiction is a modern day idol that we dare not mess with. As humans we tend to operate in extremes, and that is just how addiction works. A little online surfing can become so obsessive that it takes over every part of our lives such that we cannot wait until we are next online.

Here are some tips to help you if you think you have an addiction to the Internet:

• Admit you have a problem.
• Don't try to stop on your own. It won't work. Guaranteed.
• Don't make promises you can't keep. Addicts always tell themselves and others that they will “never do it again”. The trick is not so much stopping as staying stopped.
• Make yourself accountable to someone else in the place where you spend most of your time online.
• Seek out a few friends or a counsellor who you can trust - someone to whom you can say anything. Be brutally honest with them and make a covenant that you will never lie to each other.
• When you need to use the computer but don't need to be online, disconnect the modem and give it to someone else in your household.
• Have someone else in the room with you when you are online. If you need to, place the computer in a part of the house where you are not alone, such as the living room.
• Cultivate your relationships with your loved ones. Ring a friend or go and have a drink with someone you haven't had contact with for a while.
• Get into community work or volunteering. Acts of service where you are not thinking of yourself is one of the best ways to recover from addiction.
• Find your life in God. Give your life to him each and every day. Ask that His will and not your own be done for that day, come what may.

Make the above a habit in your life. It is said that it takes 21 days to develop a habit. Do the above for 21 days in a row and it is probable that you will have formed some healthy habits. 12 Step groups are also very prevalent all over the world, and they are not just for alcoholics. Thousands of people with different types of addictions have found freedom, joy and hope through working a 12 Step program in company with others who suffer from the same addiction.

Drinking from our own wells is the crux of this issue. Online addiction (or any addiction for that matter) will never give us the life we long for. It will never ease the pain we feel inside. The thirst in our parched souls can only ever be quenched by the Author of Life. It was not for nothing that Jesus said that whoever comes to Him will never thirst. The deep longing in our hearts for connection that the internet and other addictions offer can only ever be satisfied by the One who gave himself for us in sacrificial service and love.

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