27th May, 2008

RUSSELL STUBBINGS

I have had occasion over a number of years, in various capacities, to spend time assisting individuals and couples experiencing marriage and relationship difficulties.

One such case springs to mind. Jack and Jill (yes, a rather unimaginative pair of pseudonyms) are a couple in their mid thirties, married for around ten years, with three young children. They both express concern that their relationship is not as it used to be, the spark is missing, there is a lack of intimacy and close connection, and they have grown apart. Both are concerned that they are reaching a crisis point, something needs to change or the marriage will disintegrate.

PICTURE: Alan Eno (www.sxc.hu) "Prayer is our opportunity to communicate with God. Just as communication enhances relationships with friends and family members, communication with God builds our relationship with Him."

Some probing reveals that life for Jack and Jill is busy. Jack works over 40 hours a week as a physiotherapist. Jill works part-time because one income is not enough to pay the mortgage and the other expenses that come with raising a family. Jill is the primary carer of the children, although both parents spend time driving the children to various sporting and musical pursuits. Life has become so busy that something is missing. Jack and Jill have very little time for each other, and the time they do get is often at night when both are worn out from the hectic activities of the day.

It soon becomes clear that Jack and Jill simply don’t talk like they used to. Communication usually consists of a series of requests and demands such as, “Can you pick up Jimmy from football training?”, or, “It would be great if you could organise some dinner tonight Jill!” In short, there is precious little meaningful communication between Jack and Jill and it becomes increasingly obvious that this is at the root of their marital crisis.

What does this have to do with prayer? Prayer is our opportunity to communicate with God. Just as communication enhances relationships with friends and family members, communication with God builds our relationship with Him. The deeper the communication, the more intimate our connection with God will be. When we fail to communicate with our heavenly father our relationship with Him suffers.

Many scholars suggest that being created in God’s image incorporates a desire for relationship with Him, and others. As image bearers we need to be in relationship with the One whose image we bear. My children, in various ways, bear my image as their father (although they may find the thought of resemblance somewhat discouraging). As well as physical resemblance to varying degrees, part of bearing my image is that I want relationship with them, with communication playing an important role in building our connection. Without communication my relationship with my children suffers. In a similar way prayer is the key to building and growing our relationship with our heavenly Father. A strong prayer life, even though God already knows what we need, is the forum God has designed that enables us to commune and relate with Him.

God is exceedingly wise. He knows that as humans we have a tendency to become lazy, a tendency to lose focus and fail to attend to the important issues of life. That’s why Scripture exhorts us to pray. The numerous Scriptural promptings to pray at the very least encourage us to communicate with God. In this way prayer is more about us than God. God certainly knows what we need to pray about, and how He will respond. Matthew 6:8 tells us that God knows exactly what we need before we ask Him. I know what my children need before they bring their requests to me. Sometimes I grant their requests, at other times I respond in a manner not expected. It is the same with our prayers to God, He knows what is best for us, and responds from this perspective. The essence of prayer is that it builds relationship and allows us to engage directly with God the Father, allowing Him to work in our lives according to what He knows is best for us.

Our word pray is translated from a number of different Greek words of which proseuchomai is the most common. It includes the common understanding of prayer as petitioning God, but also includes the sense of prayer as making a vow. In other words, when we pray we are making a vow to God, reinforcing our commitment and surrender to Him, acknowledging Him as the source and supply of all our needs. When I married my wife some twenty years ago I made a vow to honour, obey, cherish, and be faithful to her. I know many couples who have performed their wedding vows again as a sign of their on-going commitment to each other. As we pray we are acknowledging our commitment to, and dependence on, God.

The Bible is replete with teachings and exhortations to pray. Obviously prayer is important and very necessary. Jesus prayed and taught His followers how to pray, Paul prayed and instructed other believers to do so. Prayer has been at the centre of great revivals and moves of God throughout the ages. Prayer is not about God, He doesn’t need to hear our petitions because He does know already. Prayer is essentially about us, enabling our connection with God to grow. Prayer is an act of surrender and commitment, an expression of faith, an opportunity to grow in awareness of our situation and put our lives into perspective.

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