9th June, 2011

DARREN CRONSHAW

Friending: Real Relationships in a Real World

Lynne M Baab

IVP, Downers Grove, 2011

ISBN-13: 978-0830834198

"We live in a world characterised by busyness, mobility and electronic communication. It is important to understand how these features influence our friendships. Friending is a helpful guidebook for anyone who wants to understand and make the most of relationships in the virtual world."

Like 600 million people around the world and 10 million other Australians, I’m a Facebook user. Facebook has helped me connect with high school friends, keep in touch with family and friends living far away, discuss spirituality and theology, ask for advice on gardening and parenting, share photos with family, connect people with church, and communicate with other networks in which I have an interest.

It has its downsides – it adds to information overload, can become obsessive, increases expectations of accessibility, and lacks non-verbal conversational cues. The reality is I can’t have deep friendships with my 1,143 FB friends (who’s counting?). But just as I need a few close friends, a lot of acquaintances help me make the most out of life. Friendship is a gift and is part of who and what we are created for. When communication technology can enhance relationships I welcome it.

Lynne Baab, a Presbyterian minister teaching pastoral theology at the University of Otago in New Zealand, wrote Friending to bring together some of her key interests: friendship, spiritual formation and communication technology. She explores how the internet enhances or detracts from friendship.

Baab writes as someone who appreciates the strengths of new media and communication technology but is also aware of its drawbacks. Her book brings theological reflection and Biblical teaching relevant to friendship and online communication (drawing especially on teaching about love in I Corinthians 13 and Colossians 3, and reflecting on stories of friendships between Mary and Elizabeth, Jesus and his followers, and David and Jonathan).

It is a helpful commentary on how a diverse range of people use or don’t use different forms of electronic communication (drawing on interviews with dozens of people of all generations, from children to pensioners). And she offers practical suggestions on how friendships are formed and sustained.

Whether in the real world of face-to-face or internet communication, we cultivate friendships by putting ourselves where people gather, expressing care, saying thank you, praying for needs, catching up over coffee, listening intently, being vulnerable, asking for help, giving gifts, spacing contact, accepting differences and forgiving mistakes. Baab encourages initiative in these aspects of friending and tells stories of she and others put it into practice. We live in a world characterised by busyness, mobility and electronic communication. It is important to understand how these features influence our friendships. Friending is a helpful guidebook for anyone who wants to understand and make the most of relationships in the virtual world.

Darren coordinates leadership training with the Baptist Union of Victoria, pastors Auburn Baptist Church and has space in his life for more FB friends and so invites you to friend him at www.facebook.com/darren.cronshaw

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