JUST BEEN THINKING HAS MOVED! THE BLOG CAN NOW BE FOUND HERE...

Welcome to 'Just been thinking', a new blog by ANN WOJCZUK about life, the universe and possibly everything...

Tasting fruit

6th November, 2006

Warning: the writer was very unwise to eat and drive: peel oranges at home, not in the car.
(Yep - let he or she who is without sin cast the first stone...hmmm...ouch...of course, there has to be someone!)

Last week was a busy one. In and out of the car. Pick this up, deliver that, meet here, go there. Do dis, do dat, do da other ting.

I grabbed an orange on my way out the door on Tuesday. I peeled it progressively as I drove with one hand on the steering wheel and the other hastily pulling bits of orange skin off, through roundabouts, along country roads and suburban streets. I was thirsty and I was hungry, with no time to eat properly and no water bottle.

I approached another roundabout and finally got to bite into this orange.
I pulled up and waited for the cars to my right. The orange was magnificent. Sweet. Full-flavoured. Juicy, so juicy. I could have sat there and totally savoured it. But of course, I was at a roundabout. The pace of life was not going to slow for me to eat that wonderful fruit.

But it got me thinking...

The simple joy of biting into that delicious fruit. Simple surprise. It was so good, I wanted it to last. I wanted more. Have you ever held an orange, peach, apricot, nectarine, apple in your hand, and anticipated the pleasure of eating it. The smell, taste, juice of it?

How about the moment when, full of anticipation, you sink your teeth into the fruit and your tastebuds wilt with disappointment at the dry, floury, tastelessness of the nectarine you've specially selected. Makes you want to spit it out of your mouth. Hmmm, read that somewhere before...

Fruit needs a tree that's watered, tended to and pruned for vigorous new growth. Fruit takes a while to mature on the tree. Fruit needs to stay on the tree long enough to ripen in the sun. The sun brings out the sweetness. Fruit is created to smell great, look beautiful and taste mmm mmm. Good ripe fruit is a joy to eat. It's a joy to think about eating. Good ripe fruit is great to share with friends. It's great to share with anyone. Good ripe fruit is precious, and can be abundant. Good ripe fruit is health-giving. Good ripe fruit is fertile and can reproduce after God's own design.

I hope my life will be laden with good ripe fruit, sweet from enough time in the Son; a joy to eat and share.

I hope my love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control will be health giving, fertile and reproduce after God's own design.

I hope when someone is thirsty and hungry, they will stop in surprise at the taste of Jesus in my life.

And also in you. Peace....

Freedom is a privilege
30th October, 2006
Australians live with the PRIVILEGE of freedom. We are free to build relationships, free to worship, free to work and, in most cases, to be paid for our efforts, free to take part in vigorous conversation about our differences and mutual blessings, free to engage in community whatever our gender, race or creed. Our freedom is built into the fabric of our political, social and spiritual identity. It wavers and breaks down occasionally, but our nation is protective of its freedom and it is infinitely precious to us.

Australia's freedom requires little of us but respect for those we share life with, appreciation of what that freedom brings, thankfulness for a multitude of graces and watchful cultivation of its inward and outward workings.

Mufti, you would do well to seek the road of wise humility and have some appreciation for the nation we have the priviledge of living in. We all have our moments of ill-advised outspoken opinion. Imperfection is our vehicle. But, as a primary leader of the followers of Islam in Australia, arrogant threats and sweeping judgement do little to grow respect. That voice is at odds with our spirit.

Gambling with our futures?

5th October, 2006

Now you had some light relief with my last entry but I'm afraid that was momentary...So here goes.

I know this is a bit local, but I've got a voice and I'm gonna use it! This is not a political party announcement. I'm just thinking out loud...

Our state government here in Victoria, Australia has just conveniently announced, in the middle of an election campaign (surprise, surprise), that they have managed the state's finances sooooo well that we have a whopping big $825 million surplus. Yippee, money in the kitty!

Fantastic. I don't pretend to be an economist. I'm sure they've done very well with the bank accounts.

But...

They congratulate themselves - while the benevolent gaze of Mr Tattersall's watches over the mind-numbing carnival of poker machine venues spitting endless coins into gleeful government hands. Million and millions of dollars and out of the pockets of the people they are supposed to be looking after. Oh, I know we're all responsible for our own lives and the State Government is doing 'such good work' with helplines and gambling addiction counseling support (spending a small percentage of what they earn). Excuse me! Did you smell something?

Poker machine venues have spread like viruses through suburbs and towns. Oh, but it all has to be approved, tightly controlled and carefully monitored, of course.

Who decides on the numbers of machines in the state?
Who created this open-mouthed monster?
Who's addicted to the thick cream rising to the top of the Treasury's financial cup?

Not to mention all those plush suburban venues with their dimly lit rooms, tastefully refurbished in plum, navy and mustard, sporting row upon flashy row of parasitic machines.
Oh, but the schnitzels are cheap, and you can pay by credit card.

Great surplus, fellas. Just ain't sittin' too well with me right now.

Another pet incident

5th October, 2006
Hi there, back again.
We had another pet incident.
Vietnamese fighting fish called Scarlet.

Scarlet wouldn't eat her yummy, dried blood worms one morning.
I sent the kids off to sport, did the housework, turned around and....
the fish was...dead...passed away, no gill movement...so
I stirred the water and watched her sink to the bottom of the bowl.
Well, you guessed it...after my last success with the goldfish (read back down the blog a bit),
...I prayed for resurrection for the fish, vigorously and sincerely. We buried it in the garden.
...sigh.

But it did remind me of a photo I took in Eden a while back so I put that in 20/20...

Beware - the writer is cynical today

21st August, 2006
D'oh. Well done Federal Government for being so bold and innovative in subsidising gas conversions on cars and ethanol-additive petrol. Pity it didn't happen a few years back - bit of a knee-jerk, perhaps not as considered as one would hope, but better than nothing. How's the budget spending going on research and development into non-fossil fuels and alternative energy production? And our pro-active, statesmanlike attitude to greenhouse emission levels, refugees, and foreign aid spending?

Lots of murky ethical and ecological issues - bit like the atmosphere really. Perhaps a good strong wind would help.

I was listening to a Christian radio station in the car the other day and started thinking - where are the protest songs, the social justice commentary, the political comment, the ecological talk? But then I guess it might be too contentious. Not nice - too hot or too cold maybe? Come to think of it - don't recall taking part in many conversations or even hearing them in church circles. Must be moving in the wrong circles.

It makes me sad that there seem to be so few of us, and I include myself in this, who are really involving ourselves with the societies we live in, beyond our tight immediate orbits. Surely our perspectives as people of the Way are worth something 'out there'. Oh, I know there are some who are passionately engaged in wider issues and actively voicing their concerns and opinions. But how many of us even know what we think on some of the major issues facing Australian and world populations? I'm typing this and wondering if it's even worth writing about because I know that I often make it up as I go along because I don't have a handle on most of the subjects that trouble me. I'm not even sure I want to spend the time finding out - and that really bugs me.

What's more important - the voice or the hands? If we have thought through these things, do we speak out on the wider scale or dig in and do something practical at a local level? Or both? Or none?

A singing - and groaning - universe

24th July, 2006

As is probably true for the majority of us at this time, I am thinking about many things. War, peace, truth, violence, love, faith, suffering, courage, moral and spiritual conviction, angels, demons, victims, villains, eternity, times and cycles, innocence, guilt, fear, death, life, hell, heaven, God.

I'm living a domestic life of simple rhythms, love and relative stability, with my family around me - in a world which is simultaneously ticking like a mantle clock and a time bomb!

Life in this Australian world is schizophrenic. We are blessed right now with so much and ought to be so thankful. How long will it last? At 6am, as the cocoon of my doona wraps me in warmth, the news wakes me with the ecological, political, spiritual and social convulsions of a fractured world. In the midst of the early morning fog, I split in two, groaning inside for the suffering and simply looking forward into my day. How different it is for so many around the globe. God, I long for the end of it all some days. It's mad.

I've said it before, I'll say it again, I love life. It's a gift. The universe is both singing and groaning. Creation and love still wonderfully speak of our passionate, creative kind Father. He knows the heights humanity will scale through the ages in creativity, love and compassion, and He knows the depths we will sink to in selfish greed, hatred and pride. He knows the past, present and future and His presence in the Holy Spirit is all around us. He is not absent, He is as near to each of us as we will allow Him to be.

I pray for our eyes to be open as His are open. I pray that our daily lives and thoughts and prayers will resonate with His. I pray passion for true peace, love, truth and the Lord's kindness would work in us and compel us to stay absolutely awake, leading this groaning earth to Jesus. He is our hope and future. This is no time for complacency.

The miracles are coming

6th July, 2006

"And said to his servant, 'Go up now, look toward the sea'. And he went up, and looked, and said, '(There is) nothing'. And he said, 'Go again seven times'.  And it came to pass at the seventh time, that he said, 'Behold, there arises a little cloud out of the sea, like a man's hand'..." - 1 Kings 18: 43-44

I stand on the edge of a high peak, in a place where the wind peels around me and the scents of the world make my nostrils flare. I scan the sky in watchful confidence. I smell something. I sense something. It hints at me, tugging on my consciousness, my spiritual senses. The rain is coming. A distant pounding on desperate dusty earth, a dampening whisper of God's breath, fleeting, dancing, near away near. Tantalising.

Holy Spirit comes.

The miracles are coming. They are birthing in the knowledge that our Father is kind. They are birthing in the fierce conviction that Jesus has remade us. They are birthing in the understanding that we carry within us the Kingdom of God, the source and completion of all creation. They are conceiving in the heart and mind of God, who watches and waits for us to 'get it' and open to His glory.

A quick note

26th June, 2006

Sorry folks. Frankly, I'm too busy to think at the moment, having enough trouble remembering to breathe. I'm sure you've been there. Speak to you soon, when the oxygen returns to my brain.

Healing

4th June, 2006

We had a 'pet incident' last week. A lot of you mums and dads out there will know this scenario.

The solitary goldfish, itself a survivor of the previous 'pet incident' (where the entire goldfish tribe, bar this one, was wiped out by a mysterious and cataclysmic event in the fish bowl which caused them to bloat, turn pink and float up to the surface within 36 hours of each other). Anyway as I was saying - the one goldfish we still have began to develop a lean and hung basically motionless in the top third of the bowl. Paralysis set in within the tail and fins on one side and it couldn't turn to eat. We watched it float sideways for three days and tried to get it some food but it was too slow and my thoughts were reluctantly turning to euthanasia.

However, being a woman of prayer, I decided petitioning the Lord on our fish's behalf was a much better idea. So...I prayed on and off through the day for the fish. I laid hands on the bowl (pause)...yes, I did, and ordered the paralysis to go, the cells to be renewed, the life to come back into the tail, fins etc. I figured that the Word of God says that all of creation is groaning, waiting for the sons of God to come forth. All of creation includes goldfish and sons of God includes daughters(?) like me - so be it. I ordered the fish healed in Jesus name, I blessed the fish and just kept blessing it every time I passed him floating at the top of the bowl. I took him out of the bowl and put him in a cereal bowl with enough water to cover him and some food, in the hope that he'd have more chance of eating, which he did. I put him back in the fishbowl and we kept praying for him every now and then.

Well, you guessed it, the next morning he was moving more freely, tail flexing, fins fluttering more. By the time the kids got home from school, it was a different fish! Zipping around the bowl, up and down, full flexibility and coming over to stare at me every time I came to stare at him. Laugh at me if you will but I think our goldfish got healed. He certainly looks happy, don't you think (see right)!

I pray for all my family for healing, by the way. Mostly they get healed quickly, sometimes it's really obvious they have been instantly sorted by the Lord, sometimes it seems they don't. But I always do it anyway. It's practise.

See I believe what the Word of God says - if we're faithful in the small things, we will be faithful in the bigger stuff - and I'm practising for miracles - little ones and big ones, for people and for creation itself. How about you?

A 'chubby' Christian

16th May, 2006

Because I have my own Bible, small group, Sunday congregation, devotionals, commentaries, tape series, daily access to the internet and a life which allows me to read books, papers and listen to radio, cds etc, (that would be the kind of life that the majority of the world do not have!), I confess I have become a chubby Christian; blessed and seeking to be a blessing, full of all kinds of knowledge, revelation (most of it second-hand) and resources at my fingertips. I can stride around confident that I am one of Christ's ambassadors on the earth, part of a royal priesthood, a holy nation. I can recite some Scripture that has stuck, totally by God's grace, in my head. I adore my Saviour and I know it's mutual. I love chewing the fat with people about all sorts of things, and praying with and for them.

But oh, my Father, the thing I want more than anything else in my chubby world is to be in tune with the Holy Spirit and truly filled with steady loving faith. All the stuff I am full of - it needs to translate into something tangible. I see a light come on in people sometimes and I see healing sometimes, but I am so grieved by the suffering I see in so many people, Christian and not. I simply want to be able to do what Jesus did, over and over and over and over and over and not stop 'til I pass through eternity's door. It's some kind of weird torture to know what He is capable of through us and not do it, especially when people are being eaten inside-out by mental illness and agonies of body and soul, whether their own or loved ones'. What's that all about? I look into their faces and see sadness or grayness or desperate strength and I search inside myself for the peace and power of the Lord who Heals. Just to give to them. Just to see life flowing in and torment gone. And I'm so horribly inconsistent.

So much knowledge, so little fruit. Is it like that for you too?

Jesus, we need help. I need help. Break me out of the confines of doubt. Expand my heart and heal through me, through us. Help us not to be afraid of the depths or heights that life can bring, to live fully and not thinly. Deliver us from the temptation of being traders in shallow, cliched, westernised spirituality. Help us simply walk with honesty and a firm grip on you. Help us to do what you did - bring real peace to spirit, soul, body and earth.

A thankful day

12th May, 2006

Like many of you, particularly in Australia, I woke a couple of mornings ago to the wonderful news that two miners, trapped one kilometre underground in Tasmania in a tragic rockfall two weeks ago, had walked out of the shaft and into the arms of their wives. What a joy it was to hear the radio sounds of their return after the sadness of hearing of Larry (Knight)'s death. Even from a distance it was an emotionally charged two weeks, with the collective will and thoughts of a whole nation wrapping themselves around those men, their rescuers, family and the town itself, grieving, then waiting, then celebrating, then waiting and waiting and hoping and praying 'please Lord, please please'...and waiting and listening and watching and waiting and finally that explosion of truly thankful joy and the sounds of celebration and reunion. We have been through a short, but truly extraordinary season. That story will continue to unfold personally and in the community as these people travel their roads.

One of the things I spoke to my own family about and thought about often the day the men came out of the mine was that we, as a whole nation, had just experienced a drawn-out moment or day of 'thankful joy'. It strikes me that this is rare and very precious. Not only did I have a very personal sense of thankfulness for prayers answered and life miraculously returned or maybe retained, but there was the delightful weighty sense of oneness in the air. I knew that all over the country in homes and streets, in schools and workplaces, cities and tiny towns - my Australia - was thankful and deeply moved with joy over an event that goes to the very centre of our beings, the fragility and preciousness of human life, the power of both suffering and freedom.

It doesn't happen very often on such a scale and I told my kids 'mark this day and remember'. Many will remember, for all sorts of reasons, sorrow and joy. Though many who felt that leap of thankfulness may not know who they are thankful to, or may focus entirely on the people, there are multitudes whose hearts are turned towards both, the Creator/Saviour they know or dimly hope for, and His beloved creations.

And joy. Joy goes into places that happiness skates over. Hope takes it deeper than fleeting emotion and, I think, leaves a sound still resonating in the soul once the moment has past. Yes, we miraculously have two men back from the depths who now can continue to live and love, but as a nation we have the seed of something deep and divine too. Another opportunity in our national story, where the Father of all humanity focuses our attention and offers us a gift from His heart. We pause and appreciate life and community, resilience and hope, love and connectedness. And over and beyond it all, His presence in our present.

Battling the darkness

2nd May, 2006

I just spent three or four days really depressed. It's the weirdest sensation really. Like I stepped out of the everyday world and into a parallel universe. Instead of being a quite functional (if sometimes strange!), free-flowing individual with a pretty healthy sense of self and a place in the scheme of things, I became ' a stuff-up, no-good-at-anything, what's the point of trying to do or say anything significant, drain on the family'...Ooh dear! Probably hormones. Hate that - thank God it was only a glitch. I climbed back up this time by reading the Word and just talking and listening with my heaven Dad, recognising giants as grasshoppers and reminding myself of who loves me and holds me in BIG HANDS. And, if it was hormones, obviously the storm passed by. After having your boat swamped like that - it feels foolish, self-pitying and uncontrollable, especially thinking about what really goes on in some people's worlds. But the nature of it is that it all seems so real.

I had post-natal depression after both my babies, the second time more severe, and really felt for several months that I was being sucked into a malevolent black vortex with no end. Every day I would mentally fight the urge to just give up and let the force suck me down. I felt as if there was some black creature with it's talons round my ankle pulling me down and if I just let go I'd disappear. So I held on to the world I thought was still there with white knuckles and kept telling myself that He who had begun a good work in me would complete it. Horrible when I look back, crazy I s'pose. I'm not talking about suicide - just giving up the fight and being absorbed and digested.

I'd get on with the business of cleaning house, feeding and loving kids and husband as best I could, being 'functional' and feeling hopeless and hollow. I cried a lot, sometimes around close friends, although mostly I tried not to 'taint their day', thinking I was a bit like a depressive virus! I guess that's part of the package in that universe. I cried a lot with God, and prayed that He'd show me where the other world had gone and lead me back, and each day help me to look after and smile for my family. For me, one day, I noticed the sun was shining and every day the skin on the bubble that held me captive got thinner and then was gone. I came back.

For some people it's a long hard battle, with shadows at every turn.

You are loved and you are so needed. You are woven into the fabric of living and have a special colour that matters in the beauty of God's creation. God give you strength and a sense of His firm love and presence. I'm not living in your universe but I've been out there and I see you and believe in you. You are precious and incredibly strong, beyond what many of us ever will be. Oh Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit - walk with my friends, hold them firmly and lead them out into the air. Keep the 'Enemy of life' away and heal the wounds, fear, grieving, anger and hopelessness. Let Life return - love Ann.

Christ is Risen!

16th April, 2006

Engaging the issues

10th April, 2006

I love the simple richness of living each day. I understand each day as a gift - each person, each sight, sound and smell. I am amazed and thankful for the miracle of being found by God, and I don't want to waste it or lie down and sleep through it. I lurch from living in the extraordinary detail of a moment to looking out across a vast landscape of nations and peoples and issues of existence. It's like some kind of seesaw madness and sends me from one end of the universe to another.

Do you ever feel like that? Like life is superb and horrifying all in one breath. Like you can't bear to really look at what is to be seen but compelled to all the same? Then, just when it seems the sea of global reality will rise up and swallow me whole, I'm back in the detail of cooking dinner, washing clothes, cuddling children and talking on the phone again. Was it like that for Jesus when He did the earth mission? No wonder He had to go walk in the hills and talk to Dad fairly often! I'm guessing that's what I oughta do - turn the prayer tap on.

Anyway, I'm kind of watching and thinking out on a broader scale this week. Details are always going on, but spiritually I'm looking through binoculars, if you get my drift. Not quite a telescope, but not the microscope of a couple of weeks ago either.

I've been thinking about some of the issues being discussed in the media at the moment and I've got to tell you, I'm disturbed. There's some big stuff going on environmentally, socially, politically. I hear it being talked about and tossed around by guest commentators and talk-back: the Orange Bellied Parrot vs global warming and sustainable energy; the West Papuan people vs Indonesian overpopulation strategies, mining wealth and Australian political alliances; IR Laws vs workers and employers rights; and, fuel prices and our passive response to them.

You know, we really need to engage with each other on these and other such issues. I'm looking at local Australian goings on at the moment but they're being played out all around the world in all sorts of forms and they'll impact on us either close up or from a distance. What difference will it make to anything if I understand, empathise, support or protest. It's very tempting to just shut up, dumb down and deal with my day-to-day rather than expose my life to the mass of controversy and need out there. It's just so much more manageable to make a difference in my family than it is to face the giants of economics, politics and the environment and I could easily just sit down in the evening with a glass of wine and the news, zone out and mind my own business.

If I don't think about whether it's more important to protect a local area and it's rare bird population or see a working wind farm contributing to the non brown-coal production of environmentally sustainable electricity - does it matter? Who cares what I think, and what do I do with what I think anyway?

If I think Australia needs to boldly stand up for refugees from West Papua and the Government ought to be talking to us about why Indonesia is moving Javanese people by the thousands into that area, intimidating the locals and trying to bully us into shutting up about it - who do I say that to? And what about why we apparently support Indonesia's 'ownership' of that part of 'New Guinea' when it's so different to the rest of the Indonesian region ethnically - is that about justice or economics and politics? It's about money and power. Is it going to be another East Timor where we cave into a regional bully because we're afraid of the possible repercussions for us - then go in after the event and play 'caring brother'. Cynical, aren't I?

Would it generate conversation, let alone action in the Christian community, in my own or yours? I really hope so. What about getting on talkback radio? John Howard's web page? Australian Christian Lobby? Something. I don't get off my chair all that often. Do you?

So I'm having a rant on the weblog, 'cos I can.

I love Australia and I'm really glad I live here but I can feel the suck of a really self-absorbed, self-protective narrow mindset dragging on my consciousness and the national identity like wet clay at the edge of a dam. God help us.

A gift shop shock

7th April, 2006

I went into central Melbourne recently to soak up the Commonwealth Games vibe and have a look around. In my travels I walked into one of the main cathedrals near Federation Square. The church I go to is housed in a very modern building, looks great but doesn't have any strong artistic presence at all. That matters to me, ‘cos personally I find my relationship with the Creator is very much that way - full of colour, shape, ideas, poetry, expression of senses, texture, metaphor and so on.

So when I walked into this place full of arching stone ceilings, polished wood, candlelight and glorious coloured glass with that echoing hush that large spaces have - it filled up my senses and got me thinking about how diverse our spiritual expressions of honour and worship to God are. I drank in the details just like I would in my favourite cathedral, the lush quietness of the Melba Gully rainforest in southern Victoria. Both so very different, one 'God-made', one 'man-made', each with a sense of Divine heartbeat.

I could see people seemingly absorbed in different things. Some wandered round as tourists and out the door again, others sat, heads bowed in solitary private moments. Some like me perhaps had a bit of both going on, taking in the spirit of the place, enjoying visual detail and thinking.

I meandered through the different areas of this worship space and found myself at the 'gift shop' in the rear of the cathedral, near the doors I'd come in. Lots of crosses on chains, pins and other christian 'stuff'. My attention focused on a 'spinny thing' with lots of name badges and key rings, plastic, with meanings of all sorts of male and female names. Had a bit of a look, spun it round. Pretty tacky given the surroundings but I guess some people just like to take away a little gift or memento. Then I saw the top two lines of this display were taken up with more little plastic bits featuring signs of the zodiac.

I stood there for a bit feeling really disappointed and cross! Thinking to myself ‘What's that all about?!’ Yeah, I know it's not the end of the world or even very significant, given the lovely sense of this cathedral being a place of God's presence. But it is significant because in the Old Testament it says God detests stuff like that. At the very least it just didn't fit with the personality and function of that lovely building. The 'zodiac wisdom' is divination - seeking insight via reading of various 'signs' . It doesn't honour the Creator, in fact He says in Deuteuronomy 18:10 that divination is detestable to Him. Maybe they just hadn't thought about it...

Anyway I thought I'd go up to the two lovely ladies at the counter and just say something about it gently. So I did - gently - and a bit nervously I s'pose. The woman I was speaking to was quite open with me when I asked her whether she was aware of them, and that I thought they didn't really suit the place(!). She seemed surprised and said she didn't think they were really good either, but some people like that sort of thing and anyway, we get the money from them. Aaaaargh!

Breathe. Don't go too far down that train of thought Ann or you might find yourself getting really mad and tipping over the cute little spinny things full of plastic stuff and throwing the zodiac signs in the closest 'receptacle'. That would just be judgemental and arrogant. So I took another breath, smiled, said what a lovely place it was, and walked out into the light.

And just now as I'm writing this I remember that sometimes if I'm riding the motorbike to one of my forest cathedrals, I'll suddenly find myself arrested by the thick, disgusting, smell of 'road kill', guaranteed to chase away any poetic, sensory or worshipful thought in my head! Scenery's still wonderful but death momentarily intrudes - hmm - there's a metaphor in there somewhere...

Blackberrying - Part 2

30th March, 2006

So many quiet whisperings of wisdom and the character of God -

For Ann:
He provides good things out of the warmth of His heart...
There is a deep and simple joy in gathering from the earth...
Waiting for the 'ripe' timing rewards abundantly...
We ripen as God's children when we're directly connected to Him and in the presence of the Son as much as possible!
Our own fruitfulness brings pleasure and provides for others too...
Seek deeply and patiently and you will gather more...
Sometimes there is pain involved in reaching for the best!...
Not everything available is for me alone...
He keeps some of what is good tucked away from me, for others...
Success can make you greedy for everything available, not just what you need...
God loves to share our time with us...
The fruit of our labours are a rich mix of grace and effort...

For Lily (13-years-old):
When we went blackberry picking we were tempted to keep on picking even though we didn't need them...which is greed and greed is a sin...
Sometimes the easy option isn't the best option. There were lots of berries that weren't completely ripe in easy to get to places. But when you looked over in the harder to get places there were lots of ripe, juicy ones. If you took the time to go a bit deeper and put up with one or two scratches, you were rewarded...
Before we went blackberry picking we were all set to go to mini golf and have fun that cost money but instead of doing that we got a marvelous idea to go blackberry picking. We had a lovely afternoon and it showed me that money doesn't always buy happiness and sometimes taking time to enjoy the simple things that God created is much more rewarding and fun...

For Alex (nine-years-old):
You shouldn't always expect the first thing to be the best...
Money can't buy happiness...you can have fun not spending money...
You should try new things...
Blackberries taste yum!

By the way, that night we had a hot, freshly-baked blackberry pie about three inches high, brimming with ripe, sweet fruit wrapped in shortcrust pastry with a freckling of crunchy brown sugar scattered over it and a slow dolloping of thick double cream. Oh the joy! God is good...

Blackberrying

27th March, 2006

It's autumn, 'season of mists and mellow fruitfulness', when the sharp hardness of the sun seems to round out and soften and the light has golden edges. I took the girls out blackberry picking along the country roadsides around us. Armed with bucket, optimism and very inadequate rubber gloves, we had the most wonderful couple of hours.

You know sometimes God offers you a gift which is so full of joy and companionship. I felt as if He'd given us a basket of spiritual fruit, brimming with goodness. We picked berries, listened to the Teacher in our hearts and came away so happy. It was beautiful.

Picture this - late afternoon, shadows getting long and warm sunshine lightly dancing over the paddocks, off the edges of grass, sheep and fencing wire. One long, bramblely blackberry bush tangled around the roadside farm fence, pushing thorny arms in every direction and laden with fruit. Fat blackberries just holding on, warm from the sun and softly juicy, firm red ones, still acidic but promising a crop in a week or two.

Moving gingerly along the bush, we gently teased the soft ripe crop into our hands, sampling happily as we went. As our hands and mouths stained purple, the bucket began to fill and I began to plan 'the pie'. Mmmmmm.

The Holy Spirit was talking to me quietly as we picked, speaking out of the experience, and I began to share with my daughers Lily and Alex what He was showing me. And they began to talk back to me. We were gathering spiritually too.

I want to share some of it with you too. And I'll let the girls tell you what He showed them.

Communing with God

13th March, 2006

I have been thinking a bit - well a lot, actually, about all sorts of things. In fact sometimes I have trouble turning the thinker off at night when it needs a rest! I know there are people out there who lie down at night, shut their eyes and cut out within a minute or so. My husband is one of them. He tries to have a conversation with me sometimes but the pauses between sentences get long really quickly and then we're in one long pause and I just talk to myself. Sigh, such is the solitary life of an insomniac.

Actually, it's not all bad, it's often my most concentrated time with the Lord. I chew on thoughts and ask Him stuff, just 'communing'. When the nights are like that it's lovely, we have a great time together. Sometimes I hear from Him and other times not.

The nights that really get to me are what I call 'spaghetti bowl' nights. I lie there waiting to go to sleep and my brain is like a bowl of spaghetti. Lots and lots of thought strings all wound up in each other, tangled and unable to be followed through. Aaaaaargh! Sometimes I wake up mu husband Peter and ask him to pray for me, sometimes I just wait, sometimes I recite bits of the Bible. I don't often count sheep, occasionally I lie there getting stressed about not sleeping, looking at the clock and wondering how I'm going to function in the morning. It all works out in the end. I'm OK.

I think there are probably heaps of people out there like me.

What I'm 'trying' to do is spend that time travelling to my inner world of friends and family, praying for them and then out from them to other places of the world that could do with prayer. Then at least when I get up the next day I know it's been worth the sleeplessness.

Good theory...just got to practice.

A matter of respect

26th February, 2006

How the hackles of ethnic and religious difference are raised at the moment. We are not doing our nation or it's people any favours by flinging around generalisations and offensive assumptions about 'religious attitudes and practises' whether Christian, Muslim, or secular. It seems that some in the media are harvesting antagonism and feeding us prejudice. I'm glad to see others are attempting to give a voice to the more thoughtful.

We need respectful and honest plain speak. I only hope that neither belligerent bullying nor mealy-mouthed political correctness will stand in pole position. We obviously need to protect the moral integrity of our national identity. It's constantly under attack. But respect is so important. How difficult that becomes when threats escalate to violence and acts of political or religious violence take innocent lives, as we have seen so many times and in so many places over so many issues in recent years. We gravitate to our corners and raise our fists to fight it out.

My freedom to seek truth and faith in God in a culture that is underpinned by respect for the value of every human life and our interconnectedness as nations is very very important to me. I believe we have that to a degree in Australia, and I feel quite fierce about protecting that freedom.

'Quite fierce'. Would I scream and yell, throw stuff or threaten people in order to say that? No, but I will not be silenced in that search nor intimidated into taking a package I do not believe in. Equally, I hope I would have enough respect for the people I share this culture with to allow them room to make their own journey in search of God and meaning.

I am not a Muslim, and I do not follow their way, but I know that Jesus is respected by them and that He loves them like He loves me. I hope they will all discover Him as the living Son of God, the Life and the Way. I hope everyone will! But how can I 'force' that and what would be the point? You can't intimidate someone into loving!

I do not know one Muslim person as a friend because that has not happened for me. There are very few in our area and I have not known anyone yet who is. But I'm sure I would love them as much as any other friend and I think I would also respect their search for truth and the depth of their cultural history. I would hope we could talk freely and explore our beliefs together but I know sometimes that's hard.

How would I share my love with them?

Maybe.

I am a Christian - a dedicated fan and follower of Jesus Christ. I admire and love Him as I would if He were sitting in front of me right now. He is a person, though not physically present, and His 'now' presence is still very real even without that 'touchability' but I can't force anyone to love him or follow him either.

He is known to have lived in Israel as a Jewish carpenter, teacher and political figure during the Roman occupation 2000 years ago, claiming to be the Son of God. Jesus actively represented God, claiming Him as His father, in teaching, healing, friendship and leadership of people who believed Him . He fascinated and confounded people then, as He does now. He performed healings and other activities that cannot be explained as merely physical or 'natural' events. Those who follow Him have also been known to do the same on occasion. I want to do that too, walking right through 'rational logic' into the Jesus zone, with my brain very much still switched on(!) and expanding into the understanding of life as the good Lord designed it to be.

He inspires me, challenges me and compels me to live with generous heart and hands, testing and learning to live a spiritual life in a physical skin, literally accessing His life and living in it here. Our relationship is multi-dimensional and rich. It is the most vibrant, fascinating aspect of my life, both in a practical daily sense and also intellectually and philosophically. In fact, life itself has become more vibrant, rich and multi-dimensional for me as I've got to know God and I am very grateful for that. It still has highs and lows of course, as did His when He was here!

So when someone speaks of Him and His way disrespectfully or hatefully or even just laughingly, it hurts me personally as it would if they spoke of any other member of my family or loved ones. My love for Him, and vice versa, is the most treasured thing I have and all I really want is to see other people discover his reality and their own love for Him too. But I can't force that to happen at all. I can only keep sharing what I know and have discovered, respectfully pointing out who He is. Being belligerent and thumping my chest about the 'anti' attitudes out there doesn't open a path to discovery, it just shuts people out and feeds antagonism. I really hope that aggression and that sense of heightened offense can be actively put aside. They serve no good.

On a lighter note...

20th February, 2006
Went to the dentist because I had a problem with my teeth. He gave me two injections of local anaesthetic in my lower front gums and proceeded to do nasty things to my gums and teeth. Necessary but oooh. Know what I mean?

When I finally got up from reading the ceiling and went to pay the bill (gasp) I had morphed into the elephant man but the funny thing was, no one could see it! Got me thinking about perception and reality...

How many of us are walking around with a really warped view of life and ourselves, either looking fine on the outside and being really messed up on the inside or the other way round? A great person with a huge inadequacy about our looks and so on. It was a great relief when my chin shrunk again and my bottom lip came up off my chest! And nobody even knew - weird.

So I did you a picture of my secret morph. Here 'tis:

Giving

15th February, 2006

More on giving what you have. One click on these sites each day - get a healthy habit! Spread the word - the more people do this, the more motivated the sponsors will be and the more impact we can have. These are a few of the internet sites that I use because I can. Check them out and join me and many others if its good. Most of these sites operate to release funds from large companies or just motivated ones (!) as we access the sites and see their promotional stuff. Don't take my word for it, check 'em out yourself, it's really interesting what's happening out there.

~ www.thehungersite.com
~ www.donatebibles.org
~ www.thechildhealthsite.com
~ www.therainforestsite.com
~ www.solvepoverty.com

Being part of the bigger picture

10th February, 2006

I've just been thinking about babies and people and the environment and how we live in the world and how we bless those we share it with. I've been thinking about how come I really don't hear a lot of conversation among my circles about our responsibility to the environment and I wonder if it's some kind of sense of guilt or something.

Probably way off beam there but I know I feel that little bit uneasy with myself when I'm horrified or disturbed about some aspect of destruction of nature and I'm not allowing myself to engage as closely with destruction of human life and systems that cause that. So I sat and thought about why - no great illumination there! The two are so tangled together. How can I make an impact on both? I remember having a vision once and it was like I was standing looking at this massive wave towering over me full of people and faces. I painted what I saw.

There was old and young and newborn and unborn and so much despair and pain and fear. I was holding out a teacup full of water, hoping to make a difference, but the scale of what I saw was too, too big for me to comprehend and as the vision faded, I felt so small and powerless and self-absorbed. But as I thought about it - and believe me, I spent a long time reliving those faces - I realised there were two options for me locally and globally, and on a larger scale, for us: do nothing or do something.

Honestly, sometimes I do nothing. I hate that. Sometimes I feel that the little I do is as meaningless as a cup of water in the face of a wave, but that's not true. I, we, have to connect with the earth and the people who live on it, with the beauty and the pain of it - and, oh how I pray, with the Creator who put us in it. Is He a monster for letting it come to this? Some think so. I don't. I have a cup of water, He gave it to me, as He did to multiple millions of us. My challenge is to look at the faces of creation and give them what I have. It's one of your challenges too.

New life

3rd February, 2006

PICTURE: Ann Wojczuk

My brother and his partner have just had their first baby. We went to visit them and again I was struck by how miraculous and beautiful it is to see and get to know a little person. He's only just unfolding and adjusting to our world and I just wanted to drink in every detail of him. To hear every little snuffle and sigh, to stroke his baby soft skin, hold him and smell that sweet, newness in his fluffy hair, to look into the open dark blue depths of those newborn eyes that still seem to have the expanse of heaven in them, to touch the tiny pink toenails and watch him sleeping so still.

Aren't they wonderful? And how special it was to see his parents, even though too briefly, just entering day-by-day, the wonder and weight of having a child, the endless discovery and detail of it all. It brings back lots of details for me too. And I laugh a little when I think of the intensities of learning to be a parent, some funny, some so not!

Now my kids are older, 13 and 8 and the discovery and challenge continues. What a privilege it is; the hardest and best of all creative experiences. I'm so glad God didn't just drop us fully grown into the earth, though for some it may seem a blessing. How much would we miss of the shape of love if we didn't experience each other in that way? Yet saying that, I pray for the abandoned and afraid, for they are just as much a reality in this beautiful and terrible world. Oh Lord, help us to love and honour each and every life. Father of all, teach us to value the miracles born and growing around us, to give and be connected even to the ones we cannot see or hear - the flowers in other fields. Thank you for life.

Images of Eden

31st January, 2006

What an artist He is - awesome in every way and we get to live in His work! Lord, what a genius you are.

Two weeks in Eden

30th January, 2006

I just came back from two weeks in Eden. No, really - it's a small coastal town on the east coast of Australia, about eight hours drive from my home. It's a lovely spot with long surf beaches and rocky cliffs enclosing the bays that surround the town. We camped out in a small tent, caught up with some very special friends, met some new ones and meandered over to the surf each morning when the tent got too hot - and it did get hot. High 30's into the 40's. That's centigrade.

We had a lovely time, came back relaxed and filled up with wonderful memories. Simple memories: the sound of surf at night; the pearly depth of the blue green ocean; dolphins looping and weaving across the bay behind our swimming kids; bacon and eggs on the bbq for breakfast; lying back in deckchairs with our friends; watching for falling stars and satellites in the late night sky, a glass of wine in hand and conversation floating quietly between us; waking up to the morning birds with only the skin of a tent separating us; watching my children sleeping; snorkelling along the edge of the bay, floating in a parallel world with its wonders busying themselves all around us; taking the camera over to the beach at sunrise and catching the pastel light on sand, sea and landscape; freshly caught fish and mussels cooked with lemons on the grill; sand in the sleeping bag; heavy grey clouds with raggy edges filling the bay with their weight; a night thunderstorm with all the power and intensity of God thrilling me and shaking the tent, kids up-close and sleepless; fat raindrops falling, falling; sunburn and skin peeling; diving in the clear, swelling surf and finding hermit crabs in shells; the sound of all the children playing; soft green grass, ants in the esky; mountain forests with treeferns cascading like green waterfalls down into the valleys; icecreams melting faster than we could eat them (well, almost!); time to just sit and absorb, listening for the heartbeat; time to watch and listen and rest. Time with people I love and time with my God, just appreciating the depths of Him. Sigh.

On hemp

16th January, 2006

Well now, I spoke to my mate, Mr Google about a couple of the questions I've had floating around. We ranged far and wide and it was all very interesting.

I can report that on the hemp frontline - as in hemp with little or no mind altering qualities, called 'industrial hemp' - state and federal governments have been working with research and farming types to see what the go is. Most states in Oz have some sort of research and trial process happening. Most of them also have some kind of commercial experiments going on. They are also working with other fast yield crops with good fibre producing qualities. Some Queensland cane growers are looking at the potential farming of it but in many states the money making prospects are still shaky.

Hemp's a great and amazing plant with a huge number of uses but apparently it's just not cheap enough to produce and prepare for industry when you stack it up against cutting down hardwood forests into tiny pieces, stacking them in huge piles (there's one in my own area that sickens me every time I drive past it - a couple of hectares in size and piled up to a height of almost 25 metres - makes me sad), and then exporting them to make more paper for all those very important documents that fill our world. Maybe the onus is on us to use less paper! Feels a bit like a David and Goliath scenario. I could see Leunig or someone coming up with a good cartoon for this one.

So I pray that we will see a break-through in attitude and practice - always that pair for real change. Research leading to production leading to change in industry, leading to something which allows our forests to stay forests and not splintered wastelands; providing jobs for people who need them and 'sustainable' industry. Different attitudes from all of us to the long-term cost of our consumer decisions, real governmental support for truly sustainable use of our environmental treasures and the incredible riches of the earth and nature. There's a big difference between 'dominion' and 'domination'. One respects, protects and makes use of with love and thankfulness; the other is selfish, destructive and abuses with greed and arrogance.

Father, please help us to value and work with the wonders You have created for us. Change our hearts and our ways. Lead and inspire those who are out there really doing it. Please give voice to those who You know are able to lead, inspire and bring change where we need it. Forgive our greed and ignorance where it has caused destruction and damaged what You have given. Thank you for the earth and the heavens - they're amazing and beautiful.

Here's more stuff about hemp if you're interested (by the way, my interest in hemp is very much not in the area of recreational drug use but as a crop in its lowest THC form to take pressure off forests and provide natural alternatives to polluting or destructive industrial materials):

Firstly:
"Hemp has a number of advantages over timber in the area of paper production, and there are a number of strong environmental arguments for the commercial cultivation of hemp. Every four months, each acre (0.4 hectare) of hemp grown will produce 10 tons of fibre. It can produce four times the amount of paper per acre than 20-year-old trees can, it requires less bleaching than pulp from timber and, because it is a very densely growing crop, weeds are choked and there is less need for pesticides and herbicides (Young 1991). In addition, hemp requires less watering and pesticides than cotton and produces a fibre that is argued to be more durable than cotton fabrics (Cowperthwaite 1993)". - from Legislative options for cannabis use in Australia - Appendix 2: Industrial and horticultural uses of cannabis, Australian Government, Department of Health)

And, secondly:
"Hemp is one of the most versatile plants to be grown by man. Some products made from the fibre include: all grades of paper, textiles, geo-textiles, structural reinforcement building materials, fibreglass replacement products, lightweight sandwich boards, composite boards, absorbency products such as kitty litter, potting mix, nappies and feminine-care products, and fuel.

"Hemp seed whole, hulled or crushed for oil are used in food products such as muesli bars, cakes, breads, biscuits, butter paste,non-dairy milk, tofu, cheese and ice cream. The seed oil is a superior cosmetic oil and both the essential and cold pressed oils are used in many cosmetics (such as shampoo, soaps and moisturisers). The cold pressed seed oil has nutritional qualities similar to evening primrose oil, cod liver oil, flaxseed oil and soybean supplements...

"Our forests, what is left of them, are being cut down three times as fast as they can grow; Japan is targeting that 10 per cent of paper must be from non-wood fibres by 2005; further, hemp fibre has been found to be a lighter, stronger alternative to fibreglass; hemp offers a valuable and sustainable fuel of the future, 'growing oil wells'. Hemp has an output equivalent to around 1000 gallons (around 3,785 litres) of methanol per acre (0.4 hectare) year...Methanol used today is mainly made from natural gas, a fossil fuel. Methanol is currently being studied as a primary fuel for automobiles." - from Ecofibre Industries Limited website.

A few thoughts...

12th January, 2006

I've been thinking - questions and musings, wonderings and wanderings:

Why don't we hear much from the people of God about environmental issues, are we talking about trees and fish and rivers and skies and dominion and responsibility and caring? Are we consumerism suckers? Am I? What would I say if I had opportunity?

Am I in a vacuum?

How come when I'm hurt about something personal, I cover it with anger? Is it easier to protect myself? Does it matter?

What age will we be in heaven? Will we be able to have all kinds of fantastic experiences, like painting a sunset? Will there be sunsets because the radiance of Jesus constantly lights heaven. Will we be part of creating new things with the Lord, like in a great big amazing artroom/science lab/garden? Will we do things 'virtually' while we lie around on clouds? Hmm, I don't think so - God doesn't strike me as the passive sort.

Why hasn't Australia ratified the Kyoto agreement? And how come we can't grow low THC Hemp as a renewable plantation crop in commercial quantities so that we're not chipping forests for paper?

And lots of other things...like...